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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26109241">love of mine (i'll follow you)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/merlotbird/pseuds/merlotbird'>merlotbird</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman &amp; Terry Pratchett</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>2008 references, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, Female Aziraphale (Good Omens), Female Crowley (Good Omens), Librarian Aziraphale (Good Omens), Love songs, Musician Crowley (Good Omens), Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, Song Lyrics, alternate universe - musician/librarian, lots of song covers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 06:40:17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>11,515</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26109241</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/merlotbird/pseuds/merlotbird</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It doesn't begin and end with forbidden fruit from a garden, rather, and illegal mixtape in a remote British Catholic school.</p>
<p>At 17, Aziraphale is a bookish loner and Crowley is a rebel without a cause. Given the option, they wouldn't have thought to choose each other. At least, not the first time around.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Prologue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>My only ever fic, inspired by <a href="https://shushu712.tumblr.com/post/186226185930/catholic-school-au"> this</a> Tumblr post (though I've taken some liberties).</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It starts the same way it will end, not with forbidden fruit from a garden, but an illegal mixtape in a remote British Catholic school.</p><p>It had been a nice morning so far, same as all the other mornings that week, but now a storm was brewing, and Aziraphale was stuck holding what Eve had referred to as “that snake’s illegal mixtape.” And if she was caught out on it, or the phony office slip, or the gold gel pen she had used to forge said slip, she may as well wave goodbye to second period as an office aid in the rearview mirror.</p><p>She meant to sweep the tape into a drawer, but her fine motor skills failed her and all she could hear was the sound of plastic hitting the floor. Aziraphale turned in her chair to snatch it up. In her panic it nearly slipped back out of her hands, so she shuffled the offending object under a stack of papers and covered it up, barely registering the voice that entered through the door as she rolled back up to her desk.</p><p>Aziraphale spun around in her swiveling chair just in time to see the skinny girl with the red hair slink into the front office for the umpteenth time that week. Speak of the devil, or snake, rather: Antonia Crowley, business as usual she knew, for something new and petty- it was always petty- to add to an unending list of infractions.</p><p>“Sorry? What was that?” She let out a nervous laugh.</p><p>The other girl looked over at her as if she hadn't really expected or intended for her to comment. She probably hadn't, but Aziraphale had already sealed the deal.</p><p>“Oh nothing. Just ordinary cock-ups. Things not going to plan.</p><p>“Looks like another knuckle-bruising for me.” She grumbled, but didn't seem incredibly fazed about that, just made herself comfortable and dropped down into one of the chairs lined up against the wall.</p><p>“Sorry,” Aziraphale said awkwardly. “About your plan.”</p><p>Antonia hummed. “I'm actually sorry for Eve. I saw them haul her in just now. I think I can guess why- The mixtape?”</p><p>Something on her face must have given it away because Antonia didn't wait for an answer. “Seems like an overreaction to me. Don't think the devil would be with it enough to be hanging around inside a mixtape.”</p><p>Aziraphale hesitated, mostly because she knew Sister Mary would be appearing back at the reception desk any minute. Meanwhile, the mixtape in question was thrumming away under a stack of papers like a tell-tale heart. “I'm sure they have their reasons, Antonia.”</p><p>For the first time since she had made herself at home in the lobby, she looked like she hadn't been expecting what came next. “You know my name?”</p><p>“Of course I do,” she said, even though there was nothing <em>‘of course’</em> about it. “You were new last year. We have sixth period together.”</p><p>“I know. English.”</p><p>“Do you know <em>my</em> name?”</p><p>Her grin was a little like a shark’s. “I have my own name for you.”</p><p>“What? Do you?” Aziraphale wondered if she might be angling for a fight, and if so, she would be sorely disappointed.</p><p>“Anyway,” she dismissed, mouth still running like a waterfall, “there's nothing bad on it. I don't know why things are getting so out of hand- it's how everyone used to share music, isn't it?”</p><p>“Would you have gone through the trouble of being loud about it if you didn't think you could get a rise out of them?” She felt she already knew the answer, so the question was more rhetorical than not, and Antonia didn't chime right in.</p><p>“Ah, where would the fun be?” she said offhandedly, crossing one arm over the other.</p><p>“Well. There you have it.”</p><p>There was a lull in the conversation that Aziraphale felt and hadn't really expected to pick up. But Antonia surprised her.</p><p>“Still- Isn't it a little ridiculous? You stick a big ‘caution’ sign on something in front of a bunch of teenagers and you’re <em>asking</em> for trouble.</p><p>“Don’t you think?”</p><p>Aziraphale's mouth twisted, but she didn't comment.</p><p>Antonia drew back into herself a little. A thoughtful look was playing on her face, but her posture came off as mildly expectant.</p><p>“Just seems the bar is set a little low-if you ask me.”</p><p>“But there are <em>rules</em>, Antonia, that aren't meant to be toppled in a day-” <em>even if they are unpopular</em>, she added mentally. “It's all just a part of the ... ineffability of going to high school.”</p><p>“<em>‘Ineffable?’ </em>Learn that practicing for A-levels?”</p><p>“Yes, actually.” She felt quite proud of herself for being able to work that one in. “Too extreme to be expressed or put into words.”</p><p>Antonia rolled her eyes in lieu of commenting any further. “Anyway, I don't guess I'll see that tape again. Although you might know where it ends up ...” She looked at Aziraphale fully. “<em>High ranking official</em> that you are.”</p><p>She was being mocked she knew, but it made her a little nervous, as if Antonia’s mouth was a step ahead of her thoughts.</p><p>The other girl shrugged, still speculating. “Kindling for the church bonfire, I suppose?”</p><p>“I’m sure it won’t come to that,” Aziraphale said primly, averting her eyes when Antonia glanced back at her.</p><p>“You <em>do</em> sound sure. What? Did you take it for yourself?” She was teasing again, but Aziraphale felt like she was already being caught out.</p><p>“No, but I took care <em>of</em> it.” It all came out in a jumbled rush, and she hoped that it was just enough to get Antonia to stop prying.</p><p>“You <em>what</em>?” Apparently not.</p><p>“I took care of it.</p><p>“It was an unlucky day,” she defended, “and she would have been thrown to the lions. And there’s a pad of blank office slips here at the desk. So I collected it from her when she walked in.”</p><p>Antonia’s grin was definition of Cheshire-a smug, shit-eating thing-and for the first time in their ongoing conversation, Antonia appeared genuinely speechless but completely delighted.</p><p>Sister Mary returned in the midst of the quiet spell, a stack of papers and one office slip in hand. Aziraphale hadn't even heard her footsteps leave the carpet down the hall, much less walk up to the reception desk- she hoped she hadn't heard her confession.</p><p>“Oh, hello Antonia. Back again?”</p><p>Barely missing a beat, she turned her attention to the nun. “Looks that way.”</p><p>“And what is it this time?”</p><p>“Talking, asking too many questions-the usual.”</p><p>Aziraphale believed it.</p><p>“Well. I’m not sure the Headmaster will have time for you today. You might just have to be sent on your way.” She left it at that and turned back towards the reception desk. “Aziraphale, would you pop down the hall to deliver this last note before the passing period?”</p><p>Aziraphale nodded, glad to have an out, and took the slip.</p><p>She passed by Antonia and into the hallway, where she had room to line up all her questionable decisions, asking herself whether she had done right or not.</p><p>As she was carried further from Eve's situation in the office and the tape at her desk, she felt a light prickle of resentment towards Antonia for breeding this whole fiasco in the first place. It was fleeting though, and when she returned, passing period was just a few moments away and Antonia was gone. Aziraphale was a little curious as to whether she had been summoned into the depths of the office or merely sent back to class, but all at once, her line of vision was laser guided to Sister Mary standing up at her desk, the illegal tape pinched between her fingers.</p><p>“Aziraphale,” she called, brow furrowed, “do you know anything about this?”</p><p>She was horrified. “It was in the hallway - this morning,” she lied. “Maybe it belongs to the people in the AV room? I can take it to them -”</p><p>“Oh that's alright- you go on. I'll just send the next office aide.”</p><p>She swallowed down the lump in her throat and nodded. “Sure, Sister Mary. Thanks.” Reluctantly, Aziraphale scooped her things up and walked back through the empty hallway, out to the courtyard.</p><p>Rounding the corner, she caught Antonia peering in through the lobby window.</p><p>“Was that my tape?” She gave her a look that was a little impressed, a little put out, and a bit of something else she couldn't pin down.</p><p>Aziraphale glanced over and averted her eyes. “Yes.”</p><p>“So much for ‘<em>taking care of it</em>.’”</p><p>“I hope I didn’t do the wrong thing,” she muttered, worrying her lip.</p><p>“Well what even <em>is</em> ‘wrong?’ Who’s to say? It’s kind of funny, I think.” </p><p>“I don’t know about that.”</p><p>“Well I wouldn’t worry about it,” Antonia said noncommittally, stealing one last glance inside. “You’re one of the golden apples. You’ll be fine.”</p><p>Aziraphale tried to relax. “Do you really think? Oh, I <em>hope</em> so.”</p><p>Inside, they heard the school bell buzzing, so they turned back to face the courtyard. Just ahead, out of the reach of the building’s awning, it was beginning to drizzle.</p><p>Wordlessly, Aziraphale opened her umbrella and held it over the pair of them. She didn’t look over to see Antonia’s face, but she walked forward with her into the rain and that worked well enough.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Any mistakes hiding anywhere in this chapter are my bad.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The most awkward part of English class in the afternoon was when Sister Theresa made everyone pair up for assignments. As children, one hand had clutched another just as soon as the decree was made; as teens, Looks were exchanged and fates were sealed-Aziraphale’s fate was, anyway.</p>
<p>Usually, she would have paired with Uriel or Gabriel, but the former would no doubt choose her boyfriend in the seat to her right, and Gabriel-though she was unsure why-had come off as especially icy to her as of late. At any rate, he was sure to turn to recent arrival and new constant companion, Sandalphon, to work with. Subsequently, Aziraphale was left adrift in the ocean, and Sister Theresa was about to announce her as such so that her classmates could look on and fail to throw out a raft. She meant well-maybe-but Aziraphale would retreat into herself to grasp at her one little strength and insist that it would be so much faster and easier if she just did the assignment herself. On her own. She would be right, and she’d remind herself that Sandalphon needed a friend, and Gabriel was right to keep reaching out, and this is what couples did, and this is the way that it was.</p>
<p>But then Antonia Crowley swept around to her left and pulled out the vacant chair beside her. She waved one hand in front of her face to get her attention.</p>
<p>“Hello, Aziraphale.”</p>
<p>“Antonia. Hi. What are you doing?” She spared a glance at the other end of the room-Beelz and Dagon were looking too.</p>
<p>“They’ll be fine, this makes more sense,” she dismissed quickly and decisively.</p>
<p>“I...don’t-”</p>
<p>“I just <i>had</i> to know how your heroics in the office ended up working out for you.” She was anything but earnest and she was looking to get a rise out of her.</p>
<p>Well that was too bad.</p>
<p>“It worked out fine,” she dismissed, turning to the text in front of her.</p>
<p>Antonia didn’t say anything else at first. “Guess we should get to work then,” she sighed, resigned to getting nothing close to the response she must have been hoping for.</p>
<p><i>Although</i>…</p>
<p>“Why did you use a cassette tape anyway?”</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“Why a tape?” she whispered a little self-consciously. “Why not a CD?”</p>
<p>Antonia grinned. “Very retro,” she dragged out the word. “I’m nothing if not stylish.”</p>
<p>Aziraphale rolled her eyes.</p>
<p>“Oh, Angel. Mark my words-that aesthetic will be <i>everything</i> in ten years.”</p>
<p>She laughed a little. “Will it?”</p>
<p>“Oh, shut up. You’ve got an assignment to do for the both of us.”</p>
<p>Aziraphale scoffed.</p>
<p>“Don’t make that face. I’d do the same for you if it was the other way around. I’m <i>brilliant</i> at sciences-astronomy in particular.”</p>
<p>“I wouldn’t ask.”</p>
<p>“Of course not.”</p>
<p>“I’m not great at science though - unfortunately,” she reflected.</p>
<p>Antonia shrugged. “Around here? I’m surprised you haven’t been given a commendation.”</p>
<p>“Is that really necessary?” she said with a withering look.</p>
<p>“I suppose it’s not.” A pause. “So? What are we starting?”</p>
<p>Aziraphale flashed the front section of the textbook.</p>
<p>“<i>Ugh</i>-<i>Hamlet</i>? Why couldn't it be a fun one? Like <i>Much Ado About Nothing</i>? I'd make an <i>excellent</i> Benedict.”</p>
<p>“Sorry,” she said, mostly because it felt like an obligation. “We should probably get to it.”</p>
<p>“Yes, <i>alright</i>,” Antonia relented rather dramatically, flipping the book open before she looked back up at Aziraphale one more time. “This is not the work of a just god-these books were written to torture children.”</p>
<p>Out of the corner of her eye, Aziraphale glanced at the other girl and shot her a Look.</p>
<p>Antonia remained unaffected and shook her head. “It’s just not right.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>	In the end, she was surprisingly satisfied with Antonia’s work pace and they had more than enough time to spare before the bell. When it finally went off, she’d gathered her things, swept her textbook closed, and smiled at her one last time.</p>
<p>“Later, Angel.”</p>
<p>Suddenly, she remembered wanting to ask, but figured it could wait for another time.</p>
<p>“Yep. See you later.”</p>
<p>Her friends were waiting for her by the door on the way out, but kept their mouths zipped until they had crossed into the traffic of the hallway before they said it.</p>
<p>“Sorry you had to partner up with her,” Uriel offered.</p>
<p>Gabriel said nothing but nodded along sympathetically. As did Uriel’s boyfriend and Sandalphon.</p>
<p>Aziraphale shook her head indifferently. “It’s fine.”</p>
<p>They parted ways so the couple could trek a building over, and Aziraphale continued down the hall to physics class with Gabriel.</p>
<p>Even though he didn’t have much to say to her, he still smiled and held the door open for her.</p>
<p>She smiled back. “Thanks.”</p>
<p>“Don’t mention it.”</p>
<p>They separated to their randomly assigned seats-his near the door and hers at the other end of the universe.</p>
<p>With the door now shut on the cassette tape fiasco, that wet sand-heavy longing started to creep back in. She watched Gabriel for a couple of seconds but wound up frustrated that she couldn’t place whatever wrongness might be between them.</p>
<p>Three weeks ago, Aziraphale had started eating lunch in the library and-if she was being completely honest with herself-missing her friends. They still got together, still sat with each other at church and after school Bible Studies hosted in Sister Grace’s room. She still loved them dearly, but if she was being honest, it hadn’t been the same for quite some time.</p>
<p>The first time she took any notice was just a couple of weeks after they had started Bible Study Afternoons back up. Meetings had been infrequent since leadership graduated or-still a sore point-otherwise been ousted from the school in shame and scandal, but Gabriel had very recently stepped up to get things back on track. They’d had a good turn out so far, even if the bulk of the work had gone to them and their friends.</p>
<p>She just didn’t know what she had done since then to get the cold shoulder. For the 101st time, she thought of approaching and asking him, even though she already knew that he wasn’t likely to budge. Gabriel got this way occasionally, harder around the edges and unmovable. She suspected it had something to do with feeling let down, and he had been more prone to his moods in the last several months, but something always came along to lift his spirits eventually.</p>
<p>It crossed her mind and she considered, if just for a moment, whether that had anything to do with it-if she had done something to let him down. The thought ate at her a little, but whether or not she had, she figured she could wait until Sunday to ask, when they were all in church and Gabriel was usually a little softer and less impenetrable.</p>
<p>It was only three days; she had waited longer.</p><hr/>
<p>	Once, when she was still in primary school, she went with her mother to see <i>City of Angels</i>.</p>
<p>Later, maybe that night, but definitely that week, her mother was brushing through her pale, wet curls-she loved to watch them beginning to spring themselves back up, she said-and for the first time, it clicked in her mind that all things must end, and one day these hairbrushes would stop, and her mother would be gone.</p>
<p>It came to her in bits and pieces before. She’d got it into her head that death happened in such a linear fashion-that the person who came into this world right before you would be the one who went out just ahead. Her grandad had passed by then, but he’d been old and that seemed like such a long way off until she began to feel the overwhelming weight of the realization that the world was such a wide and risky place.</p>
<p>Aziraphale wanted-more than anything-a net that would stop her tight wire act from plummeting to the ground and, at just seven years old, she wasn’t quite sure how to go on living without one.</p>
<p>She’d thought it was nice, when she started attending church.</p>
<p>Gabriel invited them the first time-her and Michael-early on in Year 7. Michael had been a bit skeptical-as she was and always had been- of a great many things, but Aziraphale was intrigued and perhaps a little desperate.</p>
<p>She liked to think that the intrigue was still what got her out of bed on Sunday mornings and into the church pews.</p>
<p>“You're quiet, Aziraphale,” Uriel said as people began filing out.</p>
<p>“Sorry- I was thinking.”</p>
<p>“Thought you might be falling asleep.”</p>
<p>“Well I don't blame you,” Michael said. She leaned back against the bench, eyes closed, but she was smiling. “But I'm glad to be here and not in that hellhole.”</p>
<p>She was referring to home, Aziraphale new, and her flaky father being back in the picture, but not much else. What little she did know had been relayed by Gabriel between classes after their relocated lunchtime conversations. When she had broached the subject with Michael herself, she had been lightly dismissed and- while she worried for her friend- she wanted to give her space. That left her treading lightly until the conversation sailed on to safer waters: class schedules for the fall term and Uriel gushing over the magic the new theatre arts director was working with the spring show.</p>
<p>“She’ll never make it here, not past next term,” Antonia had said the other day in passing, after they completed the assignment. “Especially not after <i>Jesus Christ Superstar</i>.” For just a moment, she thought she might be making a quip about The Incident that put a stop to the original Bible Study Afternoons, and felt her face got hot before she realized it was meant in the most literal sense.</p>
<p>“Nonsense,” she’d replied. She didn’t really see the appeal herself, but her friends ate it up.</p>
<p>Aziraphale kept an eye on Gabriel as they talked, until he gave Michael a friendly nudge and a nod towards the event planning committee-some of their parents included- making their way down the aisle to congregate quietly in the back. While the others hurried out of the pews to catch up, Aziraphale hung back just a tick long enough to say, </p>
<p>“Gabriel - wait.”</p>
<p>It wasn’t until he turned to face her that Aziraphale realized she wasn't sure just how to phrase what she wanted to come next.</p>
<p><i>‘Do you hate me?’</i> Well that didn’t seem quite right.</p>
<p>
  <i>‘What did I do wrong? - How can I make it right?’</i>
</p>
<p>“Yes, Aziraphale?” His eyes darted towards the doors and back to her. “Is there something-”</p>
<p>“Are you upset?” she burst out. “With me, that is?”</p>
<p>Gabriel gave her a funny, squinty look and then let out a short laugh. “Aziraphale,” he motioned towards the doors shaking his head, “they’re waiting.” He spun around ready to rejoin the others, but Aziraphale held up her hands to stop him.</p>
<p>“Wait.” Her voice sounded timid even to her. “You didn't answer my question.”</p>
<p>He turned and chuckled again, but it was just over the line enough to seem patronizing. “Aziraphale, you're being silly and we have things to do, so let's get on with them.” This time the lightness in his tone was gone, replaced with a warning to quit pushing.</p>
<p>Gabriel didn’t wait for her to start moving towards the doors and Aziraphale wished she could battle back, that the right words weren’t still evading her and sticking in her throat. Before she could do anything else though, she second guessed that maybe she was the one in the wrong after all, and her resolve melted away.</p>
<p>She could name fifty good things about Gabriel right here and now. She loved him, same as the others. For all that he was uptight and a bit square-not that she was one to talk-he was earnest and charming (in his way). She had to remind herself that those things deserved to be counted, and that the weight of them was infinitely greater than this one little exchange. Eventually things would be set right, and Gabriel would go back to normal-if only she could be a little more patient with him.</p><hr/>
<p>	It hadn’t been an ideal start to the week.</p>
<p>The library was closed Monday during lunch for someone’s retirement party, and on Tuesday Aziraphale reached into her bag for her book only to realize that it must still be sitting at home on her bed. Even though she was in the actual library, she knew there were too many choices staring her in the face to pick out something new before the period was over.</p>
<p>Naturally, her solution was to pull out her phone and hope that the reception was good enough to catch up on some fanfiction.</p>
<p>Weeks ago, when she had been the first to arrive at the new Bible Study room, Gabriel had crept up behind her and read for a second at her shoulder.</p>
<p>“What’s ‘slash?’” he wondered as they rearranged desks and chairs.</p>
<p>Aziraphale had been a little taken aback, but-overall-she had no objection to him asking about her <i>Torchwood</i> fanfiction.</p>
<p>“It means there’s a gay pairing.”</p>
<p>“Oh. Okay.</p>
<p>“And ‘lemons?’”</p>
<p>She hesitated just the slightest bit, deciding how much might be too much.</p>
<p>He’d glanced over at her.</p>
<p>“It means it’s…explicit.”</p>
<p>“Like, sexual? Like porn?”</p>
<p>“Well...<i>I’d</i> say it’s a little different, but…”</p>
<p>“Oh. Oh wow.” He nodded and turned back to his task, muttering something about innocence.</p>
<p>“Sorry, what?”</p>
<p>“Nothing.” He looked back up and smiled a small smile at her. “It wasn’t anything.”</p>
<p>She thought about that moment sometimes when she read the descriptions under the stories, wondering if it really had been ‘nothing’ after all. At the time, Aziraphale hadn’t considered doing anything more than taking him at his word. But now, after church on Sunday, that little blue permalink haunted her when she clicked.</p>
<p>“Hi. Hope I’m not interrupting.”</p>
<p>Aziraphale started a little. She had seen someone in her peripheral, but she hadn’t known it was Eve, or that she was the one she was here to see until she was already in front of her.</p>
<p>“Sorry?” She glanced at the phone in her hand and flipped it closed. “Oh, you’re not interrupting.” She set it aside. “How are things?”</p>
<p>“Your friends told me where I could find you.”</p>
<p>“Oh?”</p>
<p>“You could do better there, by the way-that’s just my opinion,” she muttered with a roll of her eyes.</p>
<p>Aziraphale frowned a little.</p>
<p>“But you’re alright.”</p>
<p>“Thanks?”</p>
<p>Eve simply nodded. “I came last week, but you weren’t here, so thought I’d try again. Just wanted to give you this.” She held out a flyer for Aziraphale to take.</p>
<p><i>‘Bible Study(ish),’</i> it read:</p>
<p>        <i>‘A Christian-ish space of fellowship for all to study the bible and support one another in community, in an anti-oppressive space.’</i></p>
<p>Aziraphale looked up and Eve shrugged. “Thought you might be into it.”</p>
<p>“Oh. That’s so sweet of you. I would, but it coincides with our usual Bible Study.”</p>
<p>“That’s cool. It’s an open invite if you ever want to drop in.”</p>
<p>She smiled. “Thank you, Eve. I’ll definitely try to drop by sometime.” She just had no idea how at that exact moment.</p>
<p>The other girl nodded and looked at the clock. “Well, bell’s about to ring. I should get out of here.” She was back out the library doors with a nod in her direction, and a little wave of warmth washed over Aziraphale, that Eve apparently appreciated what she had done. Nonetheless, she couldn’t shake the guilt that rushed back in when she thought about it. Maybe it was ridiculous, but she worried she had left some kind of trail behind, and that she’d lose her trustworthiness when-if-she was found out.</p>
<p>Meanwhile, the bell went off and she dragged her feet as it pushed her one hour closer to English class.</p>
<p>She had already known what to expect, via hallway gossip, when she got there. Predictably, Sister Theresa called for the class to partner up. This part was the worst of it, she reminded herself.</p>
<p>
  <i>The only way out is through, and the moment will-</i>
</p>
<p>“I want Aziraphale,” she heard, loud and matter of fact.</p>
<p>She turned in her seat and felt her face go hot at Antonia’s outburst.</p>
<p>Sister Theresa seemed mildly taken back. “Well,” she chided-a century removed from ‘I <i>never</i>’- “you should really ask Aziraphale if that’s alright with her.”</p>
<p>Antonia looked her way and, flustered, Aziraphale just nodded her head as nondescriptly as she could.</p>
<p>“Sure. Yes, that’s fine.”</p>
<p>Antonia still couldn’t wipe that amused little smile off her face when she made her way over. “Hi, Angel.”</p>
<p>She didn’t ask, just put it down to her typical teasing about golden apples, and smiled back, trying to be sincere about it even if she felt a little suspicion about what her motives could possibly be. The case was closed-over and done-with the mixtape situation, so what else was there for her in all of this?</p>
<p>“Hello, Antonia.”</p>
<p>“I’ve been meaning to tell you-if we’re going to be working together- I actually prefer anything else.”</p>
<p>“Sorry?”</p>
<p>“Besides ‘Antonia.’”</p>
<p>“Oh? Then what should I call you?”</p>
<p>“‘Crowley is fine.”</p>
<p>“Your last name though?”</p>
<p>“I’m used to it. It’s what everyone at my old school called me. It’s what they call me.” She motioned in the general direction of Dagon and Beelz.</p>
<p>Maybe that was her roundabout way of saying that was what her friends called her - and that maybe they could be friends too. Whatever her reasons, their course seemed set-for now. Aziraphale nodded and went about allowing Antonia to become ‘Crowley’ in her head.</p>
<p>“Just Crowley, then.”</p>
<p>The other girl smiled, and there was hardly a hint of mischief. It was pretty.</p>
<p>She hadn’t known what to think back in the office lobby-she was driven by the golden rule, whether she liked someone or not-but she considered that maybe this could work out, and they could get along.</p><hr/>
<p>One Sunday in March, Aziraphale found herself on a break in the church pews with her friends while the annual carnival and bake sale went on outside.</p>
<p>It had been the first year they got to have a major role in the planning, and everyone had seemed pleased with their work.</p>
<p>Michael had moved all over the grounds directing the set-up, while Uriel’s boyfriend led some lower year underlings in assembling booths, and Uriel helped Gabriel prepare tickets. Meanwhile, Aziraphale had been tasked with posting signs, checking in with fully assembled stations, and showing Sandalphon the ropes.</p>
<p>Initially, she expected to be met with more resistance-she had been told recently that she could be a bit abrupt when she was working-but Sandalphon had generally been a good sport since the early hours of the morning.</p>
<p>In the end, they all settled down for a deep breath feeling very accomplished and very grown-up. She had missed these easy exchanges and lighthearted teasing, but a wave of unease kept ebbing at the edges of her good mood. She knew better and didn’t have a lot of hope held out that anything she did on her own would go a long way to change how things were going now. She supposed though, she could take what was given those select times when it was.</p>
<p>For now, Uriel was continuing to gush over her part in the spring show and the glorious drama-choir rivalry it had bred.</p>
<p>“…And if we destroy each other,” Uriel shrugged, “I'll just rejoin the yearbook with Michael.”</p>
<p>“There’s still time,” she chimed in. “I think you should do it too, Aziraphale.”</p>
<p>The comment prompted her to refocus on the conversation.</p>
<p>“You have a free period, don’t you?” Michael went on. “It would be fun-we might actually have some classes together again.”</p>
<p>“And maybe then you wouldn’t be stuck with Misery Business.”</p>
<p>Aziraphale whipped her head around towards Gabriel. The comment took her by surprise, but she couldn’t tell if it was because she hadn’t had to confront, until that moment, what felt like a slap in the face - and why it felt that way to begin with - or simply that Gabriel seemed certain of the reference he was making.</p>
<p>Above all else, she thought it was funny the way some friendships were built: you’re civil, friendly even, and each time you meet- eventually - you begin to get more honest. </p>
<p>Crowley was her friend. She knew that by now the same way she knew that what counted was how people treated you, that it was a two-way street, and that she owed this to her.</p>
<p>“I don’t mind,” she said firmly. “Really. Antonia Crowley is a great partner.”</p>
<p>Even Uriel gave her a funny little look at that. “You’re probably the first person to think so,” she noted.</p>
<p>“Oh, I don't think that's fair.”</p>
<p>“I doubt it matters all that much to her anyway,” Michael dismissed, checking her watch. “Come on- let's actually enjoy the carnival before the break is over.</p>
<p>“Aziraphale.”</p>
<p>“Michael?”</p>
<p>“I want to take you to the kissing booth.”</p>
<p>The unease suddenly rolled back in and Aziraphale wished it would wash her away altogether.</p>
<p>Meanwhile, Gabriel gave Michael a gentle shove that she shrugged off.</p>
<p>“Um-”</p>
<p>“You're too old not to have been kissed.”</p>
<p>She was already standing when Aziraphale sank back into the pews with a quiet, “Actually...” that suddenly had everyone quiet.</p>
<p>Michael turned back and raised her eyebrows.</p>
<p>“I already have.”</p>
<p>“What? <i>When</i>?”</p>
<p>“It was...” she scanned the words about to come out of her mouth for anything overly identifying, “at the last youth retreat.”</p>
<p>“You mean last <i>summer</i>?” Uriel cut in, intrigued.</p>
<p>Aziraphale didn't look at any of them. “Yes.”</p>
<p>“And you didn't say anything,” Michael accused before hesitating just the slightest bit. “Who?”</p>
<p>“I'd rather not say.”</p>
<p>“Are you embarrassed?”</p>
<p>Aziraphale finally met her gaze again. “No. No, it's not that.”</p>
<p>“Then…what?</p>
<p>“We won't make fun of you,” she added.</p>
<p>It wasn't herself she was worried about, not really.</p>
<p>“I can’t,” she said resolutely. “I promised.”</p>
<p>It was a lie. She didn’t want Michael or the others to be mad at her, but it was still preferable to watching them turn to ridicule. She knew they were likely to, and it would have broken her heart to see them turn ugly, to pick apart an innocent-and she knew they would-that Aziraphale had offered up herself.</p>
<p>“Was it a pinky swear?” Michael’s face was schooled, but the sneer was evident enough in her voice.</p>
<p>Aziraphale wasn’t sure what to say that wouldn’t set the other girl off, so she didn’t say anything.</p>
<p>“Fine then.” Michael shrugged, but her face was too hard for it to appear nonchalant. “<i>Be</i> a child, keep it to yourself.” When she got up this time, she walked away without pause and without looking back.</p>
<p>Aziraphale found the nerve to look at the others, but no one came to her defense or tried to make excuses for their friend.</p>
<p>Finally, Gabriel stood and looked at his watch. “Well, I think it’s time to get back.” He moved out from the pews and the rest of the group followed suit, sparing glances but still not saying anything directly to her.</p>
<p>Her gaze drifted to her lap.</p>
<p>“Coming Aziraphale?” Gabriel called.</p>
<p>He surprised her and she jumped before looking back at him.</p>
<p>“Or are you done for the day?”</p>
<p>Something in his tone felt like a prick to the heart. How had this happened?</p>
<p>“No-No, I’m coming. Just give me a minute.” It sounded like such a whisper to her, she was surprised they heard.</p>
<p>When they were all gone and the church doors were shut, she let out a breathless little gasp and tried desperately to reign herself in. Afterall, some hard feelings over a <i>kissing booth</i> were nothing to cry about, and she didn’t want to return to the festivities with red eyes and a puffy face. She kept her gaze fixed on the stained-glass windows, then the piano down below, trying to wash away everything else and forget, move on, find a way to come to terms, but she couldn’t stop wondering.</p>
<p>How had things ended up such a mess?</p><hr/>
<p>Sometimes, when you spend too much of your life sticking too close to the rules, it gets easier to lie to yourself about the wrongness in them and the rightness of things outside of that. But Aziraphale wouldn’t learn that for a long time yet, so when Crowley turned up in the library one day with a loud “<i>Angel</i>, just the person I wanted to see-I’ve thought of something amazing!” she had her concerns.</p>
<p>At the same time that she was startled from her little reverie about the upcoming series of <i>Doctor Who</i>, the librarian shushed Crowley, which predictably seemed to have very little effect.</p>
<p>“Proposition for you,” she began in a marginally quieter voice.</p>
<p>“Oh. No thank you,” Aziraphale whispered primly.</p>
<p>“You haven’t even heard it.”</p>
<p>Aziraphale sighed and used her finger to save the place in her book. “I’m not sure I need to, to worry it’s going to get me in trouble – “</p>
<p>“I am offended,” she sniped, crossing her arms.</p>
<p>“-but go ahead.”</p>
<p>Crowley huffed but uncrossed her arms and dropped into the chair across from her anyway. “I have a proposal that should work for both of us.”</p>
<p>Aziraphale waited, hands folded on the table.</p>
<p>“I’m not great at English, you suck in the sciences- “</p>
<p>Aziraphale opened her mouth to protest, but Crowley was already long past that.</p>
<p>“-and honestly, what do you plan to study at Uni?”</p>
<p>“I was thinking English,” she offered.</p>
<p>“Exactly. And whatever I pick will be <i>not</i> that. So-realistically-neither of us will actually need the things we’re garbage at, and that’s a lot of work for nothing.”</p>
<p>Aziraphale narrowed her eyes, knowing in her heart, but wanting to hear in plain English, exactly what Crowley was suggesting. “Where are you going with this?”</p>
<p>“We should… have an exchange. Like I said, it’ll be mutually beneficial,” she assured.</p>
<p>“No <i>way</i> – that’s insane,” she whispered back fervently, and as outraged as one could sound while whispering.</p>
<p>“No one has to know.”</p>
<p>“<i>I’ll</i> know.”</p>
<p>“All I’m saying is, you’re doing all this work you’ll never need again.”</p>
<p>“It’ll be on our permanent records, Antonia.”</p>
<p>“But that’s my point. It’ll still follow you around in the meantime. Might as well make it look good.”</p>
<p>“That seems dishonest.”</p>
<p>Crowley made a face as if to say, <i>‘Yeah, fine, OK, but that’s one little hiccup in the grand scheme of things.’</i></p>
<p>“Look, I honestly don’t think they care very much how the work gets done, as long as it’s finished and turned in.”</p>
<p>Aziraphale didn’t know what to say to that, just that she felt uneasy about this whole thing. It wasn’t so much that she believed in grand and noble all-nighter, hours-at-the-books struggling for a grade well – earned. It just sounded too simple and uncomplicated to be true. And of course, while she liked Crowley, she just wasn’t sure yet how far she trusted her.</p>
<p>“I think we’re missing out.”</p>
<p>“Crowley – no.”</p>
<p>She shrugged a little. “Alright.”</p>
<p>Aziraphale nodded once an opened her book back up before glancing over at the other girl and pushing her little Tupperware bowl of grapes towards her as a peace offering. “<i>Right</i>.”</p><hr/>
<p>Several completed assignments later, Aziraphale planned to rendezvous with Crowley for their first ‘I’ve got a big test and how I need to walk the walk’ cram session.</p>
<p>After school let out, she lingered around the library for a while before making her way to the room where Crowley, her wayward jailbird, was serving detention.</p>
<p>Just down the hall, the other girl emerged from Mother Superior’s office, shooting the floor dirty looks before Aziraphale caught her gaze and her face went just the slightest bit softer.</p>
<p>They stopped short of each other in the middle of the hallway and Aziraphale wished that she had something witty and clever to say like in every old Hollywood film she had ever seen. She didn’t, but she had watched Myrna Loy dozens of times in <i>The Thin Man</i>. Tripping on one of her next two steps forward wasn’t an accident, but it was in character and she knew how to make it look like it was.</p>
<p>Crowley reached out for her and let out a little laugh after she caught her. Aziraphale smiled and thanked her, feeling a surge of satisfaction that the glum look had been wiped away. Once she had righted herself, they walked through to the end of the hall together and towards the nearest exit.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Well the semester is officially done with. Don't let them seduce you with grad school, kids.<br/>As always, all mistakes are mine. Now, where did we even leave off?</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>More than a little shocked that the paper-trading ruse was working out and that her last test hadn’t given her away, Aziraphale was more than ready to double down and keep to The Arrangement.</p><p>A day or so later she was standing with Michael and Gabriel in the hall during passing period, making-admittedly distracted-conversation about Bible Study and looking over the work for her end of the bargain. There were a few spaces she might consider revising.</p><p><em>“What is it with you artsy types and your atrocious handwriting? Too busy daydreaming to keep your hand on the page?</em>” Crowley demanded in that way Aziraphale had come to understand was teasing. As per usual, she’d gone in for drama and held the page almost all the way against her face.</p><p>It made her want to smile.</p><p>
  <em>“Aziraphale.”</em>
</p><p>“Hmm?”</p><p>“Didn’t Michael tell you?” Gabriel asked, sounding just a bit like he was scolding her.</p><p>Finally, she looked up at him. “Tell me what?”</p><p>“They’re letting the <em>prom </em>committee have the room for their meeting this afternoon,” Michael chimed in.</p><p>“Um, no actually. No one told me,” Aziraphale said, thinking back. She hadn’t, had she? She would have remembered…unless she went spacey and hadn’t heard, in which case she should really correct-</p><p>“You had class together this morning,” Michael prodded, rolling her eyes. “I assumed you would say something.”</p><p>Gabriel shrugged. “Nothing was set in stone yet.” He turned back to look at Aziraphale. “Sorry about that.”</p><p>The lengths she went to in order to push back at the annoyance simmering inside were great. “It’s OK, really. I’ve been told now. So, no Bible Study this afternoon?”</p><p>“Apparently not,” Michael sighed. She did nothing to hide her own irritation, and Aziraphale couldn’t work out if it was because the event has been canceled, or because they had lost out on their space to someone else.</p><p>Although, she realized suddenly, their Bible Study was not the only one around.</p><p>“You know -” she stopped herself when she remembered what Eve had said about them. The part of her that was angry with her friends, for icing her out agreed, but she wasn’t anyone other than herself when she realized that maybe Michael just didn’t want to be at home, and still said, “Nevermind.”</p><p>She left them standing in the hall to get to class, but truthfully there was only one person that she didn’t feel out of line asking to go with her, so she took the long way around until she spotted Crowley at the other end of the hall.</p><p>She caught up and tapped her elbow. “Hi!”</p><p>Crowley jumped a little before recovering. “Angel, you scared me.”</p><p>“Sorry,” she said, sheepishly waiting for the other girl to re-orient herself.</p><p>“So? What’s up?”</p><p>“Eve invited me to her Bible Study tonight. I was wondering if you… might want to go.”</p><p>She regretted the wrap up to her request. No, she didn’t think Crowley’s idea of a good time was a Bible Study, but she did think she might like to spend some time together. Besides, she considered grudgingly, she needed a ride and it was too short notice for her to even consider raising the issue with her mother.</p><p>“I’m sorry, you want me to hang out with you at a Bible Study?”</p><p>“Oh. Well I was just asking. You don’t have to-”</p><p>“Wait, <em>wait</em>-I’m thinking.” She shifted from foot to foot before coming out with it. “Fine. Fine, I’ll go. But I am going to complain the whole time.”</p><p>Aziraphale beamed.</p><p>“Need a ride, Angel?”</p><p>“Yes, actually.”</p><p>Crowley smiled a bit indulgently. “What time shall I pick you up?”</p><p> </p><p>Aziraphale wasn’t sure why there were butterflies in her stomach or why she was bouncing her leg up and down while she waited for the bus. Perhaps it was that she was leaving her comfort zone, or it was just something else to do with the secrets she was knowingly-at this point- keeping from her friends.</p><p>And, as if her conscience had manifested to call in a tip on her, she felt her mobile vibrating in her pocket. She jumped but saw that it was just Uriel. Probably nothing too bad then.</p><p>“<em>Hello</em>? Aziraphale?” Well that sounded urgent.</p><p> She made a face and checked the number on her phone again. “Yes? Uriel?”</p><p>“Aren’t you coming?”</p><p>She felt the bottom drop out of her stomach. “Coming to what?”</p><p>A pause. “Don’t tell me no one got back to you?”</p><p>Aziraphale sighed and toyed with the hem of her skirt. “Apparently not.”</p><p>“Bible Study is back on. We’re in Sister Katherine’s room. Are you going to show?”</p><p>She looked around at the bus circle, bitter at the sting of feeling so thoroughly excluded, and decided to lie. “I wish someone had said something before,” she said with an air of genuinely having the high ground. “I’m already on my way home.” And though she could spot her bus in the distance, it actually wouldn’t be making it around for some time yet. </p><p>“Boo. Sorry then. See you tomorrow?”</p><p>“Yep. Mm-hm,” she hummed before flipping the phone closed a little more abruptly than necessary. Well maybe that served her right for her deceit, and hopefully, was enough to even things out so that her guilt wouldn’t have to.</p><hr/><p>Being in the car with Crowley was always an experience.</p><p>Every so often she would glance in the rearview mirror at the lorry right on her tail.</p><p>“Tosser. I gave him every opportunity to go around me-Aziraphale, roll down the window and flip him off for me, will you?”</p><p>“What? No!”</p><p>The other girl rolled her eyes. “Fine-there’s a red light anyway.”  The car came to a stop and Crowley rolled down the driver’s side window, angling her hand just so for the driver behind them. The man in the lorry honked his horn. Crowley honked back and Aziraphale didn’t know why she was a little charmed – she probably shouldn’t have been – but she was.</p><p>When Crowley mimed another gesture out the window, Aziraphale covered up her smile by propping her arm up on the door, hand at her mouth, and looking out the opposite side of the car. </p><p>Finally, the light turned green and Crowley took off, seemingly unfazed by the other driver. She even smirked a little when she turned up the dial on a Paramore song, as if had just been one of her petty little games-it probably had been.</p><p>They pulled up to the church a few minutes behind schedule, Crowley looking to Aziraphale to lead the way. She didn't really know where she was going either, but she had stared at the flier long enough to make an educated guess. As they walked in and took a turn towards the nearest staircase, she pulled the folded sheet out one more time, just to be sure.</p><p>On their way up the stairs to the building's attic, they heard the opening notes of ‘O Bla Di, O Bla Da’ floating through the open door and down the corridor.</p><p>“Oh <em>Lord</em>, did we stumble into the Rock ‘n Worship Roadshow?” Crowley muttered through her teeth and under her breath when they reached the top.</p><p>Aziraphale pursed her lips and rolled her eyes, but it was mostly for show. Meanwhile the group – a room of about thirty people – had fully immersed themselves singing and clapping along.</p><p>“Happy ever after in the marketplace, indeed,” Crowley said dryly after they had finished.</p><p>Before Aziraphale could chide her again, Eve took notice of them and parted from the group.</p><p>“Hey! You finally made it.” She turned to Crowley with crossed arms and dialed-up levels of sass. “And you brought this snake in the grass.”</p><p>‘<em>Oh. Oh no.</em>’</p><p>She looked between the two, but Crowley seemed unfazed, her mischievous little smile unchanged. “I told you not to bring that tape to school-gave fair warning and everything.”</p><p>Eve broke into a grin, arms loosening up as she rolled her eyes-all fond exasperation, Aziraphale thought-and motioned for them to join the rest of the group.</p><p>Crowley sat stiffly at her side for much of the evening. However, she couldn't rightly tell if she merely found this whole affair terribly square, or if she was averse to church in general. They hadn't talked much about it, and it gave her pause as to why the other girl had agreed to come at all. Just as she was contemplating bring it up later in conversation, her eyes landed on the young couple at the other end of the room with their baby.</p><p>Her heart raced a little, and while her insides froze over, her face went hot.</p><p>When the room broke one last time before the closing, Crowley leaned over to murmur, “You could’ve stared a little more, y’know?”</p><p>It wasn't until her gaze darted back to the girl at her side that Aziraphale realized how long it had been fixed across the room.</p><p>“Are you loving this?” she asked offhandedly.</p><p>“Crowley, <em>really</em>.”</p><p>“It was your friends that sounded the alarm on them, wasn't it?”</p><p>She didn’t answer, but Crowley must have seen a question on her face.</p><p>“Michael's name came up.”</p><p>“Not like they asked me before they did it,” she muttered, looking over again and turning away before someone caught her. “Gabriel really looked up to him, you know.”</p><p>“Did he? I have to say-that comes as a bit of a surprise.”</p><p>“Did you ever meet either of them before…?”</p><p>“I did- just once or twice.” Her lips quirked. “I liked them.” And that must have been saying something, because most people did, but Crowley was far and away from the majority of them.</p><p>“So what exactly did they go down for?”</p><p>“He's right there – in the stroller,” she motioned, tipping her head just a little in Jesús and Mags’ general direction.</p><p>“Backwards fuckers.” She crossed her arms. “I guess that'll do the trick.”</p><p>“Shh,” she said quietly as she noticed people starting to sit back down. Crowley didn't talk again until the closing remarks had been made, and the others began to get back up to clear out or tear down.</p><p>“You know,” she began, and Aziraphale noticed that she was the one watching this time, before she turned her gaze back to her side, “they’re good people. And I think they'll be alright.”</p><p>Aziraphale stole one last glance over; Crowley nudged her.</p><p>“Well, why not go up and say hello?”</p><p>“No – I can't,” she refused. “Not after what happened.”</p><p>“Yeah, but you didn't do anything to them.”</p><p>
  <em>Or for them. </em>
</p><p>“I don't think they'll be mad at you for your friend.”</p><p>Aziraphale looked down. “No. But I will. And…I was-” she had never, ever told anyone this. “I was <em>so</em> <em>ashamed</em> of her.”</p><p>Crowley raised her eyebrows a little. “Really? Why do you defend her then? Any of them?”</p><p>“They're not bad people, Crowley. And even if she wasn't particularly…<em>nice</em> or <em>compassionate</em> about it, she was just doing what she thought she should do.”</p><p>There was a short, deliberate pause, like Crowley was being careful and calculating her words.</p><p>“Do you really believe that?”</p><p>
  <em>‘Yes.’</em>
</p><p>
  <em>‘I must, I have to.’</em>
</p><p><em>‘…I </em>really<em> want to believe that.’</em></p><p>“Well. For my money, we all get what's coming to us.”</p><p>“Maybe.”</p><p>Aziraphale looked around at the room, but she felt Crowley's eyes on her still until she stood and said, “Chin up,” with a small tap on the shoulder. “Come with me.”</p><p>“But Eve - I have to…”</p><p>Crowley rolled her eyes. “I'm not dragging you out of here before you thank the hostess, or whatever.” She glanced over at the other end of the room, crossing her arms. “She's busy right now anyway.”</p><p>Aziraphale hesitated.</p><p>“Come on,” she urged again.</p><p>This time Aziraphale jumped up and followed after her, even as she led the way out of the room.</p><p>They paced off just across the hall to where the guitar had gone, a little room adjacent to the attic plastered in Flyleaf posters and bathed in soft orange light.</p><p>“There it is.”</p><p>Aziraphale watched Crowley uncross her arms to grab at the guitar. She carried it out to the landing outside the door and had a seat near the stairstep; Aziraphale followed suit, curious.</p><p>“You play?”</p><p>“Yes, I do,” she said, adjusting the guitar in her lap and fiddling with the chords. “Bet I can play it better too.”</p><p>Across from her, Aziraphale leaned into the railing. “I didn't know that.”</p><p>“Didn't expect you to,” she said, soft and absent.</p><p>“Do you sing too?”</p><p>Crowley grinned. “I like to think so.”</p><p>Aziraphale smiled back at her. “Play me something.”</p><p>The girl opposite her hesitated before returning to her over-compensating self-assurance. “Well, since I'm never getting that mixtape back…” she trailed off, teasing.</p><p>“Yes, well…” Aziraphale finished with a wave of her hand as if to say, ‘go ahead, get on with it.’</p><p>Crowley sat back for a moment, thinking, before she straightened back up and took a breath. With an experimental strum, she grinned at Aziraphale.</p><p>“Right. I just want you to know- I stand by all lyric changes I do and do not choose to make.” She was all false bravado, so Aziraphale simply nodded along as she started an upbeat melody and opened her mouth.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I've had relations with girls from many nations.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I've made passes at women of all classes.”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>“Have you, now?”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“And just because I'm gay, you better not turn me away.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“If you stick around, the sooner we can find some common ground.”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>That wasn't surprising, though she was unsure what she had expected her to sound like, not that she'd really had any time to think about it in the first place. It was just a little deeper than she might have thought: a crystal-clear glass of cool water.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Sexuality-</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Your laws do not apply to me.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“A nuclear submarine sinks off the coast of Sweden.” </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>Crowley looked at her fully for the first time since she began strumming. “Say, ‘Sweden.”</p><p>Aziraphale smiled wryly, trying to mimic the cadence. “<em>Swe</em>-<em>den</em>.”</p><p>Crowley nodded and looked off again, but the corners of her mouth were turned up just the slightest bit.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “Headlines give me headaches when I read ‘em.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I had an uncle who once played for the Red Star Belgrade.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“He said some things are really best left unspoken.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I've left your auntie and I’ve run off with the postman. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Sexuality.”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>Aziraphale felt as if her grin would split her face. It was beautiful and funny – <em>Crowley</em> was beautiful and funny – and her eyes pricked a little when she realized it must be close to running its course. At last, the chords slowed, and Aziraphale's heart felt heavy in her chest; she smiled wide at Crowley, deciding what to say.</p><p>“Bravo,” they heard after a long beat.</p><p>Eve stood at the door, giving a few slow claps. “That was pretty good. I didn't know if you were out or not.”</p><p>“Well it's not really a secret.”</p><p>“I don't think Aziraphale knew.” They both looked over at her. “No offense, love.”</p><p>She hadn't thought much about it, but still, she repaid their assumptions about her ignorance by answering with a quirked brow.</p><p>Still planted on the steps, cheeks tingling from laughing and smiling through three-and-a-half minutes of ‘Sexuality,’ Aziraphale dreaded getting up and moving on in such a <em>deep</em>-<em>deep</em> down way. She looked between the two, grasping for something that might drag this out - something about the mixtape, perhaps?</p><p>There was nothing though, just Aziraphale and Crowley, and the girl whose choices had brought them together in the first place.</p><p>In the end, she was the first to get up so that Eve could be thanked for the invitation. Then, she turned to Crowley and extended her arm to help pull her up.</p><p>Aziraphale found that the second of contact didn’t go on long enough. She wanted to squeeze her hand, to look up and see if it was welcomed. But she didn’t. Instead, she let go, rubbing roughly against the protests floating around inside her head.</p><p>“Thank you for tonight Eve,” she managed, even though her whole hand felt like it had been stripped down to the nerves, bare and exposed, when she touched it to the other.</p><p>She smiled back. “Anytime.”</p><p>Aziraphale turned to Crowley. “Ready whenever you are dear.”</p><p>Crowley and Eve each gave a nod in the other’s direction when they passed by on their way back down the stairs.</p><p>Crowley was hunched over beside her, hands in her pockets, face pointed towards the ground, and that <em>wanting-to-reach-out-to-you</em> feeling returned with a new and oppressive weight.</p><p>She wondered if… <em>maybe – </em></p><p>Instead, she smiled and clasped her hands together behind her back as they made their way down the church steps.</p><p>“That was really wonderful,” Aziraphale said when she couldn’t stand it anymore - when the smiles stopped being enough. “You’re very talented.”</p><p>Crowley shrugged and didn’t quite look at her. After a moment though, “Thanks Angel.”</p><p>“You’re very welcome.”</p><p>Dagon and Beelz crossed her mind and she wondered what Crowley might be like with them - and they with her. It was clear she was struggling, everything about her was more than a little guarded.</p><p>Nonetheless.</p><p>She didn’t feel impenetrable.</p><hr/><p>These days Crowley usually showed up in the office during second period.</p><p>Aziraphale didn't want to be self-centered or presumptuous, but she began to hope she was part of the reason why.</p><p>One particular morning though, the lobby was flooded with students.</p><p>Aziraphale watched her saunter over to her desk as she took in the eight others draped in the chairs surrounding reception.</p><p>Crowley propped her elbow up on the counter like she owned the place. The joke circulating in the office was that she might as well have.</p><p>“What’s all this about?”</p><p>“You have some competition for the administration's time today, I'm afraid.”</p><p>The other girl raised an eyebrow.</p><p>“I suppose I should be jealous.”</p><p>Aziraphale pursed her lips.</p><p>“<em>So</em> – what are all of these people in for?”</p><p>Aziraphale leaned in a little. “Apparently, someone's crashed the school servers, and they've called in the likely suspects.”</p><p>Crowley took another look around. “Well that seems a bit unnecessary, hunting people down at random and all.”</p><p>“You can't blame them, Crowley. It's serious. The whole network is down. They’re still-”</p><p>“I'm not saying it isn't. But they’re out of their minds if they think they'll get anyone to talk like this. Interrogating a bunch of kids- Are they fingerprinting too?” she snarked.</p><p>Crowley went to take a seat and Aziraphale felt a little abashed at that. She hadn't thought too much about the finer details of this not being right, just that the servers were down, and everyone was anxious to get them back up. Phones were ringing off the hook, the overcom announcement had been delayed, and the culprit was still at large.</p><p>Maybe it was selfish to be concerned about a little extra excitement when she wasn’t one of the ones waiting to be prodded for a confession. Her cheeks went hot at the fairly obvious oversight and she looked down at her desk, struck by what Eve had said about her friends. And really, she was just the same: no fair trials and not enough consideration.</p><p> </p><p>Crowley was late to English later, but she had a little pink slip from the office.</p><p>Aziraphale had already started the assignment on her own, so she simply pushed her copy over to Crowley and waited for her to start talking. That Crowley would join her was a fact of life by now.</p><p>“The admin found a new person of interest in their Spanish Inquisition.”</p><p>“Not you,” Aziraphale burst out, outraged.</p><p>“Well not anymore. They've moved on to someone else. Don't know who.”</p><p>“Crowley, that's-”</p><p>“Yes, the injustice,” she said, a bit deflated and with little flair. She glanced aside and several seconds passed before she looked at Aziraphale and spoke again. “I just…can't ...”</p><p>Her thought process seemed to fall apart again, and she simply shook her head. “Never mind…not important anyway.”</p><p>“Crowley...”</p><p>She was not interrupted. She had the time to say something – anything. This too would haunt her.</p><p>“We should get on with the assignment.”</p><p>Aziraphale felt that guilty thrumming in her chest again, but she couldn't even begin to know what would make this better.</p><hr/><p>Aziraphale watched her sometimes. They didn’t speak much outside of class, but she was never too far. She would have liked to – talk more, that was.</p><p>As sure as Michael – and presumably the others – believed that Crowley didn’t care about anything, rebel without a cause that she was, Aziraphale wasn’t so sure. If she had any criticism about the other girl, it was that maybe she believed that too. Or at least tried to live up to it.</p><p>But she thought often of that night at the Bible study, about staring across the room and feeling the weight of her failure, of the private concert in the poster-plastered attic like a favorite chapter in a book, and she knew.</p><p>Underneath it all Crowley was <em>kind,</em> and she wished that more people could be aware. For now, she tried to be satisfied that <em>she</em> was.</p><p>One evening, she rolled up to Aziraphale’s front door and rather dramatically attempted to coax her into her car.</p><p>“Crowley, I can’t – it’s a school night.”</p><p>“So? You do things on school nights.”</p><p>“<em>Academic</em> things. Church things.”</p><p>The other girl shrugged. “Suit yourself.”</p><p> </p><p>They ended up on the athletics field, a trope as old as time.</p><p>“How did you do it?” Crowley asked after a long stretch of no talking.</p><p>“I told my mum it was an emergency review session.”</p><p>“You <em>lied </em>to her?” She never saw Crowley so delighted as those times when someone else was doing something they weren’t supposed to.</p><p>“Yes, <em>well</em>…”</p><p>“You know,” she trailed off, thoughtful, “maybe I <em>should</em> teach you to do your own physics.”</p><p>“What? <em>Why</em>? There’s not that much left of the semester, and I’ll never have to deal <em>that</em> nonsense ever again.”</p><p>She hadn’t meant to sound panicked, but Crowley’s answering laugh was worth the foolishness she felt.</p><p>“Still have to take a science next year.”</p><p>“And I’ll be taking something with less math, thank you.”</p><p>“Yes, that’s probably for the best,” she teased.</p><p>“What are you taking? Astronomy, I assume?”</p><p>“I wanted to, yeah.”</p><p>“Well why aren’t you? You’re ‘<em>so</em> <em>great’</em> at it.”</p><p>The smile on the other girl’s face was wry, and she had her head turned up to the stars.</p><p>Aziraphale was about to prod, when Crowley’s arm shot out.</p><p>“Look!” she pointed.</p><p>And just as she did, the sky sparkled through the overcast English weather. They came to an abrupt stop and Aziraphale kept her eyes locked on the little flecks of light shooting out from the dark.</p><p>So Crowley <em>had</em> had an ulterior motive in bringing her out here, and as usual, it was infinitely more innocent than she’d been led to believe.</p><p>After a long moment, she turned to the other girl. “They can’t be stars?”</p><p>She grinned. “A meteor shower. It’ll be at its peak in a week or so, but it’s happening already.”</p><p>Aziraphale couldn’t resist looking back up. “I can’t imagine what that must be like. I must see it again then,” she decided. She stole a glance at the girl beside her and the diving bell in her chest hoped that Crowley would be the one to suggest coming back here so she didn’t have to.</p><p>“You know, it happens this time every spring,” she offered instead, eyes fixed on the everything up above them.</p><p>After a long moment, she turned and smiled at her. Aziraphale smiled back, and - again - it felt a lot like that night on the stairs, wanting to hold the moment and running out of seconds to do it. She didn’t want to be the one to end it this time.</p><p>In that moment, she had a fanciful thought about what a future that featured Antonia might look like: starry skies, and orange-lit evenings, and a net that pulls her back from the precipice? It was too much to reconcile with the voices in her head chiding her for going adrift with perpetual childishness.</p><p>‘What else does it look like?’ they said. ‘Faith, trust, and pixie dust?’</p><p>And if she was being honest, she didn’t understand why it might be so bad to want that, to be alright with wanting something…sustained.</p><p>She let herself see it again, thought of hands clasped tight.</p><p>The hint of a spark.</p><p>Aziraphale would think of that often, and if she had known back then, maybe she would have reached for it.</p><hr/><p>Even now, she still feels it like she did then.</p><p> </p><p>It’s a Bible study day that last morning in April when Aziraphale finds the office lobby empty, just a few minutes before the passing period.</p><p>“Hello?” she calls.</p><p>A second later, Mother Superior walks in from down the hall, escorting Crowley - a little roughly if Aziraphale says so - by the elbow. She’s followed by a flustered Sister Mary.</p><p>“Angel – fancy running into you.” She’s playing it cool and it really shows through.</p><p>“Best get a move on, Love,” Sister Mary prods from the sidelines. “Your mum’s outside waiting for you.”</p><p>“<em>Antonia</em>.” She’s a little horrified. “What’s all this? Are they sending you home? I kept telling you they were going to-”</p><p>“No. No, Angel, it’s not that.”</p><p>She didn’t feel she could relax just yet. “Then I’ll see you tomorrow…”</p><p>“I- It’s not like that either.”</p><p>Aziraphale plasters a smile on, because she’s not stupid but she can be a little slow, and she can pretend for a moment longer if it means someone else will spell it out.</p><p>“Then. Like -”</p><p>“-also: you won’t.”</p><p>“-what?”</p><p>“You won’t. See me tomorrow, that is.”</p><p>She should have filled that pause with a million words.</p><p>“I’m going home, and I’m not coming back here.”</p><p>Aziraphale looks between Sister Mary, Mother Superior, and the other girl, then back again. “Did they…?”</p><p>Antonia drums her fingers on the desk and shakes her head once, not quite looking Aziraphale right in the face. “No, they didn’t. I did.”</p><p>“<em>Why</em>?”</p><p>She’s more careful with her words now than in all the time Aziraphale has known her. “I think you would know that better than most.” She doesn’t sound bitter, or angry, or full of bravado like Aziraphale might have thought. She even sends a small, sad smile in her direction.</p><p>“<em>Right</em>. So then why are you in today?”</p><p>Crowley shrugs – it’s the most theatrical thing she’s ever seen. And then she grins and finally looks at her. “Thought I would get reprimanded for my skirt one last time, you know me.”</p><p>Aziraphale doesn’t have the words, so she doesn’t try to force any out.</p><p>“Oh come on,” Crowley tries, “it’s not the end of the world.”</p><p>
  <em>So why does it feel that way?</em>
</p><p>Everything after happens very fast.</p><p>“Time to get moving, Antonia.” Mother Superior tugs at her arm and Crowley is characteristically rude.</p><p>“That’s enough young lady - your mother is waiting.”</p><p>Crowley rolls her eyes and smiles her way and Aziraphale wants to hug her, almost does, but she’s shocked and she doesn’t know how best to use the dregs of time they’ve got left.</p><p><em>Why is she leaving</em>? - Why goodbye?</p><p>She finally reaches for her, but not the right way - not the way she wanted - before they pull her along and Aziraphale’s left watching her be escorted out those doors.</p><p>Another a moment she wanted to hold on to gone by, and she hadn’t had any time to prepare herself.</p><p>Aziraphale sits shell shocked in the office, contemplating and overanalyzing what happened, because no one could possibly understand - especially if she doesn’t understand herself.</p><p>Afterwards, she’ll ghost through the day and on to Bible Study, where she’s the first one in the room.</p><p>She thinks about sinking into a seat but is afraid she’ll be catatonic by the time people begin showing up. Instead, she begins to set up, her motions all mechanical and emotions beginning to sizzle under her skin when she remembers Mother Superior dragging Crowley along by the arm. The eyeroll she shot her.</p><p><em>Dammit</em> – she wants to be <em>good</em>, to <em>not</em> throw the place that’s taught her so much about that under the bus because Crowley couldn’t make it work. And she wants to stop being mad at Crowley for being so contrary, for making it so damn <em>difficult</em>.</p><p>Sandalphon is the first to find her. He looks a bit taken aback, but Aziraphale doesn’t feel like staging an especially grand performance.</p><p>“Something wrong?”</p><p>She just smiles and straightens up a little. “No, I’m fine.”</p><p>“You don’t look fine.”</p><p>“Well - thank you for noticing.”</p><p>“It was Gabriel, actually. He noticed, he just didn’t want to say anything.”</p><p>“Of course. Naturally.”</p><p>“You shouldn’t be hard on him.”</p><p>“Pardon?”</p><p>“I think he liked you, kind of.”</p><p>“Liked me? Liked me how?” She’s genuinely at a loss, not like earlier, when it was just as much a show as Crowley’s confidence.</p><p>“<em>Like</em>-liked you. Boy-girl liked you.”</p><p>Her eyebrows shoot up and her head spins about 180 degrees. “No, he didn’t.”</p><p>“Sure, he did. Don’t you notice that he acts kind of funny to you?”</p><p>“Well yes, but why didn’t he say anything? Instead of leaving me to think…”</p><p>“<em>You</em> <em>know</em>…” he trails off like it’s obvious.</p><p>Aziraphale looks up from setting out chairs, then in the general direction of the doorway so that the full force of her frustration isn’t turned on Sandalphon. “No, I <em>don’t</em> know. He doesn’t talk to me, so will you <em>please</em> tell me?”</p><p>“You know,” he reiterates, seeming to hope she’ll get it; his face goes little red. “Because you’re a lesbian.”</p><p>She hums rather noncommittally. “Hmm, that so?”</p><p>He doesn’t say anything.</p><p>“Well thank you for clearing that up for me too.”</p><p>“And after he found that porn on your phone -”</p><p>“It wasn’t porn.”</p><p>“Whatever it was.</p><p>“You’re different than he thought you were, and I think he’s a little disappointed. Thought you were the same.”</p><p>Gabriel and her, the same? It seemed ridiculous now, and - well - maybe he and Eve had gotten that right before she did, and it doesn’t strike her as sharply as she might have thought. In fact, it makes her ready to fly from the room.</p><p>“Sandalphon, excuse me, will you?” Aziraphale is moving before she even gets a response.</p><p>“Going somewhere?”</p><p>She hums an affirmative. “This won’t take long,” she calls, already halfway out the door.</p><p>She walks right out of the room, down the hall, and into the front office where Sister Mary is haphazardly stacking files on the desk.</p><p>“Aziraphale, hello there. What a lovely surprise.”</p><p>“Sister Mary, have the fall choice slips been input yet?”</p><p>“No, I don’t believe they have.”</p><p>“Then may I have mine back?</p><p>“Is everything alright?” she asks, even as she pulls it out and hands it over.</p><p>
  <em>No, but it is what it is.</em>
</p><p>“Yes,” she says, taking a pen to the slip before looking it back over, “just splendid.” </p>
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